oh, dick... let's do it again sometime: a tragic missed connection
Speaking of demanding hotel stays, our beloved Dick Cheney was in town yesterday, speaking at a $500-a-plate Republican fundraiser for Arizona senator Jon Kyl. Apparently he didn't spend a night at the Westin La Paloma Resort, where the fundraiser was held... the veep was only in town for a few hours. Understandably, a great deal of Cheney's time was spent shuttling between La Paloma and Davis-Monthan AFB, where, naturally, Air Force One was parked.
As if that weren't exciting enough for postmodern tucson, it gets better.
'Missed connections,' arguably the greatest feature of the already fabulous craigslist, takes public interaction (or lack thereof) to new heights. 'Missed connections' is a bulletin board of just that-- missed possibilities for local human interaction. Catch a hot little number down at Congress last weekend? Anti-semitic cowboy tickle your fancy at the Borat Bar? Too shy to speak up? 'Missed connections' entertains the possibility of getting a second chance for communication. Granted, the idea of a second chance happening is slim at best-- the idea that a desparate invitation a la "you took my order at Beyond Bread... I was wearing a yellow t and pigtails... let's do coffee sometime!??" requires that that server is as desparate as you! So desparate, in fact, that he/she is wandering archived missed connections to see if someone "cared." Obviously, this oddly distanced form of interaction is largely one-way, and allows for a lot of role-playing and joking (and all around entertainment for many who read but choose not to post)... but there's nothing insincere about a posting I came across this morning. What can I say? He was only here for a few hours, but left a trail of broken hearts.
missed connection - dick cheney - m4m - 24
Reply to: email@example.com
Date: 2006-03-24, 7:17AM MST
as i toted my spry little ass to work today, i was surprised when an officer of the law cut me off at the top of the entrance ramp. "to what do i owe the pleasure of your company this morning," i inquired. "it's cheney's motorcade... should be 'bout ten minutes." so there i sat, watching helicopters, motorcylces, trucks, etc, drive by.
in the midst of deep calculations of the cost of said motorcade (in addition to his fundraising trip at a five-star golf resort), i saw two armored limos approaching within the mass of flashing authority. i waved with my right hand, gawd blass america, and concurrently delivered, perhaps, the finest mid-digital salute i have ever performed with my left. if only one could put hand signs in a bold font...
we made eye contact.
i smiled and continued to wave emphatically with both hands.
you stared at me.
i stared back- you looked restless, ill, deceitful, opportunistic, pale, and wicked. i know there was a real connection there.
i waved more... you shifted your gorgeous, beady, lying eyes away, and likely ordered my death to your cronies.
a special magic hung in the morning air.
call me if you'd like to do it again sometime!