postmodern tucson

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

lil' abner's arguably 'greatest restaurant of all time,' lucio boldly displays his testicles on dining room table

MARANA, ARIZONA-- Lil' Abner's may have just surpassed Crepeville as the greatest restaurant of all time, sources (read: Adam, Amanda, Karin, Lauren, Lucio, Jeff, Laura) report.

No, really, I'm quite serious. This shit was amazing.

Now, I'm not much of a red meat eater, but exceptions must be made in cases like these. I had been hearing about Lil' Abner's for several years now, ever since my buddy Eric started at the UA as an undergrad.

Lil' Abner's is way out of town. Way out of town, a good ten miles northwest of Tucson. It's a little smokehouse in the middle of the Arizona desert. Eerily enough, you can SMELL Lil' Abner's before you see it.

After sitting down and contemplating an extensive, detailed menu (one page, single sided), I ordered a 7 oz. filet, a modest yet exquisitely flavorful (dare I say 'tangy'?) cut of beef, which was lovingly accompanied by a salad, baked beans, baked potato and garlic toast. Amanda's a vegetarian, but she swears she had the best damn baked potato of her life... right, Amanda? Important to note here that sour cream for the potatoes was dispensed in these clever fortune-cookie shaped packages. Thanks, Rod!

Lucio really laid his manhood out on the table when he proceeded to order "The Cowboy" (see pictured), the crown jewel of the Lil' Abner's menu-- bar none the most expensive and largest cut of meat sold: a 2 LB. T-Bone steak. No exaggeration.

After we voraciously extinguished our fiery, carniverous urges, Jeff, Lucio and I extinguished not one-- but two!!-- pint-sized ice cream sundaes. As if that weren't enough, the crew hopped back in our cars and paid a long-awaited visit to the Branding Iron Bar, (formerly known as 'Country Western Bar,' affectionarely known as 'The Borat Bar') which, incidentally, was not that far away from Lil' Abners. Borat himself was no where to be found, and I, consequentially, was saved from any well-throwing.

Friday, February 24, 2006

wait til I tell suj-fan about this...

Reason #542 why I'm another #1 fan of "Big Dan" Nieman: AZIZ f***n' ANSARI. Here's Aziz's latest masterpiece:

white men under attack!

Found this little gem in today's DAILY WILDCAT. Now, I haven't met Mr. Wilson, and perhaps I'm jumping the gun here, but something tells me our beloved alumnus is a very, very angry white man who feels his heterosexual freedoms are being threatened by Mexicans and lesbians, among others. I'm inclined to believe he doesn't appreciate the mentally disabled, either.

Where Wilson really shines-- and maybe this is just me-- is when he tips his hat to the turkey baster. Well-chosen, breathtakingly vivid imagery to conclude a highly compelling manifesto.

Without further ado:


Liberalism the true 'mental disorder'

I found Gabriel Leake and Aaron Finke's letters pertaining to social illness quite amusing. However, both failed to hit the bull's-eye on what liberalism really is. Michael Savage said it best: Liberalism is a mental disorder. If not all, most liberals I have met are the most delusional, illogical, unrealistic people in the world. The self-proclaimed champions of open-mindedness and compassion are nothing more than the champions of double standards and hypocrisy. In the end, liberals are nothing more than the very same things they accuse conservatives of being day-in and day-out: racist, closed-minded, homophobic, etc. Here are some examples that further illustrate how serious of a mental disorder liberalism really is, especially from some of the professors I have had in sociology and women's studies classes at the UA:

Sensitivity is more important than truth, and feelings are more important than facts.

White people are only capable of being racist, while every other race is only capable of being the victim of racism.

Men are only capable of being sexist and rapists while women are only capable of being the victims of sexism and rape.

Minorities in general are never capable of achieving anything on their own without special treatment from the government.

A true minority is not determined by skin color or number, but rather by the stereotypical images seen in American pop culture.

Cigarettes are bad, but illegal drugs are good for you.

A true man is determined not by the size of his balls and ability to take responsibility, but by the ability to get in touch with his feminine side.

America is the enemy and not the terrorists in the Middle East.

Poverty and not a lack of self-control is the reason why people commit crimes.

Gays should not have to be open-minded towards having straight sex but straight people should be open-minded towards having gay sex.

The only acceptable way for a woman to become pregnant is to insert herself with a turkey baster and not a man's penis.

After seeing how messed up liberals are, thank goodness America is leaning more to the right.

Donald Wilson
UA alumnus

Thursday, February 23, 2006

topanga plaza: let's get retro

I recently fell in love with a hidden gem of a blog called Malls of America, a site that advertises itself as a treasure trove of "vintage photos of lost shopping malls of the '60s and '70s." And boy, does this site deliver.

For instance, look what we dug up here:

A significant portion of my childhood was spent here, although I don't recall the Topanga Mall looking quite as marvelous as this. Those cyllindrical tubes must have been taken out before I first cruised through in a stroller. What a fine display of Brady Bunch-era chic. More on Topanga can be found here.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

sh'mon, lay it on me, all right

OPRAH and MICHAEL warmly welcome you to to POSTMODERN TUCSON

A Uds. les dan OPRAH y MICHAEL la bienvenida mas cordial a POSTMODERN TUCSON